Bigfoot now has a critically acclaimed off-Broadway musical. That is to say, why didn’t you write it first?
And as his real life sightings increase I feel inclined to ask you if you’re prepared to encounter him yourself.
Survival skills such as building a shelter, starting a fire and tying a knot are no longer top
priority. Of course, they’re still a priority. You should start doomsday prepping, but also you now must prepare for literally everything else.
The various ways you’ve probably failed (so far)
If you can’t make the perfect homemade sourdough while simultaneously buying crypto low and selling it high, there’s a good chance you won’t survive the alien invasion.
Be a jack of all trades, and master them too.
Why aren’t you sharing these skills on Tiktok? What side hustles do you partake in? Oh… your Instagram engagement is low? Why don’t you try playing devil’s advocate to get some views? Have you attempted filming your toddler while they cry? Those videos always get likes. And then you can start a high ticket online course called How-To-Make-Your-Toddler-Cry-For-Views limited spots available
By the way, there’s a new podcast on how to budget your barely livable wage effectively in order to save thousands of dollars to purchase concert tickets. Before that artist gets
canceled, of course, but they tend to keep your money even after they’re canceled anyway so what’s the difference. Wait, why haven’t you started a podcast?
“Mexican president posts photo of what he claims is an elf”
So this begs a new question… are you prepared for when they announce elves are real? And violent. And they can get through the walls of your doomsday bunker that you spent the last 3 years building. The scent of sourdough attracts them.
Have you stocked up on elf repellent? Taken the Forbes top 100 course “Elf survival: What You Need to Know”? But if you can’t afford that someone on TikTok has a 47-part series on elf preparedness and 200,000 followers who are taking notes.
And look, if you can't make sourdough, outrun Bigfoot, predict the next market crash, file your own taxes, grow your own food, maintain a consistent sleep schedule, build your personal brand, stay informed on three ongoing wars, prepare for the elf situation that is frankly, unresolved, AND get ahead of the discourse of that musical artist who just got canceled before everyone else does — what are you even doing?
What are you even doing? Is it worthwhile?